3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I love black thongs
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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