I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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