Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
