Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
