no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
