I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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