I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
