Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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