gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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