Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
