i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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