I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize