You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm at about main and main street
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
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