Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
