why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
