If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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