I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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