I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
