Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
