Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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