I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
