Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
