cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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