Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
