Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
