I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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