Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
