Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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