I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
