Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I understand Curling. That high.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
