I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize