that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
