my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize