Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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