At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
