he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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