I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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