the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
