I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
