Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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