she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
