sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
