I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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