someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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