If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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