Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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