How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
