Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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