Kiss
Puke
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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