Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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