hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
