She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
