Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
