I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I made him laugh his dick is mine
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
