so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize