Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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