i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
