Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
