my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
