She is in my trunk
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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