someone owes me an orgasm
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
