i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
whose ass print is on the piano?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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