Cold hands, warm shart.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
