how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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