He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
