Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
