Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
