you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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