i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
