People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
