you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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