Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he was CRYING into my vagina
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
