why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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