Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
