I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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