Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
