I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize