I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
