So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
