whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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