Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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