and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
