I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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