I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
