Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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