It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
