she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize