They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My dick has a subreddit
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
