I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
