"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he shaved USA in his pubs
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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