last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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