So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
