So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You have to summon your inner elephant
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
