My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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