pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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