Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Randomize
