he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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