She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
